ISOC Dream: The Alley
by Rasengan22
Summary: ISOC Dream sidefic. A year after graduating and coming out to his family, Sasuke remains bitter about how events unfolded with his father and Naruto. Then again, all of that BS doesn't even compare to getting jumped by a group of men after leaving a gay bar late one night.
1. Dream ISOC: Age 19

A/N: Dream universe, about a year after their high school graduation. Just needed to write this particular scene. No guarantee I'll ever write the other moments I allude to in here. I wrote this while listening to Middle Class Rut's "New Low" on repeat, fyi.

* * *

"You should stay, Sasuke. Have another drink with me. If I was a _little_ more drunk, I might just let y'give me a blowjob."

Yagura placed his hand on his shoulder, but Sasuke promptly removed it.

"It's not like I'm driving," he replied.

"It's late, and you're trashed." Yagura, so as to be obnoxious, casually glanced at his phone. "But, what do I care? You're a bitch to be around when you're in a _mood_."

"Right." Sasuke removed his leather jacket from off the back of the bar stool and slipped it on. "Like you're just _effervescent_ with sparkle and charm."

"When have I ever _sparkled_?" Yagura asked, still scrolling through his Twitter feed, elbow half—hanging off the edge of the bartop.

"You're in no better state than me, you realize?"

"I'm not going to _beg_ you to stay if that's what you're waitin' for." Yagura finally looked up from his phone. "You're a big boy now, right? A proper college kid and all that shit. There's no reason for you to hang out with us lowly musicians if you have class in the mornin'."

Sasuke flinched at his words, eyes narrowing. "Are you saying now that I'm in college I'm not allowed to be a musician, too? What crawled up your ass and died?"

Yagura snorted. "Wouldn't _you_ like to know, asshole."

He sneered. "Not especially."

"I bet you would if it was Naruto."

"What _did_ you just say?" Sasuke, in his anger, nearly pinched the tip of his finger off while in the process of zipping his jacket.

Flippantly, Yagura waved him off. "You heard me. Go home and cry about the fact your boyfriend is off in Illinois datin' hot chicks and doesn't wanna talk to you anymore."

It took all of his will power not to grab that beer bottle and smash it over Yagura's head.

"Fuck you, Yagura," were his parting words.

"Not even if you let me videotape it," Yagura retorted and returned to his phone.

Without any further reply, Sasuke stormed out of the bar. He was tired of the singer's shitty attitude. Once he was out of the bar, he found a secluded spot against the front of the brick building to have a quick cigarette. Not wanting to draw the attention of anyone who might recognize him, he hid away in the shadows, a hand deep in his pocket — and _brooded_.

 _Naruto_? The fuck did he have to bring _him_ up for?

Yagura had been acting like a shithead after recently getting dumped, but bringing up Naruto was low, even for him. Sasuke, after exhaling a puff of smoke, stared at his discolored fingernails. He'd been smoking and rolling cigarettes so often they'd turned an ugly yellow. Usually he painted them black so his parents (his mother, in particular) wouldn't notice. Not to say he saw them frequently these days. Itachi, last he heard, should be flying in tonight. Likely, he'd meet up with his friends first, so Sasuke would have to decide if he wanted to go home to see his brother, or wait to meet up with him later this week. His relationship with his father hadn't exactly been stellar despite it being over a year since he'd come out to his family.

What a summer _that_ had been, he thought sarcastically.

Sasuke's arm fell to his side, pieces of ash falling from the end of his cigarette to the cold concrete. For a second, he had an impulse to creep on Naruto's feeds, but knew it would only make his mood worse. Not that he cared what Naruto was up to or who he was fucking. Sasuke had seen plenty of action regardless of whether they were speaking or not. It just happened they hadn't been speaking much at all, which was fine with him. After all, it was Naruto who decided to move back and forget about his friends in Seattle. Sasuke never would've thought he was such a flake and a hypocrite, but, then again, nothing surprised him about people anymore.

Just because he'd _bared_ his feelings after coming out in the hopes Naruto _might_ still be receptive to — _something_. And acting all jealous about Juugo that time, too? _Whatever_. Naruto's loss. He'd led Sasuke on through most of high school, so _fuck_ him. Meanwhile, Sasuke had been trying to juggle his coursework while also performing and managing not only _his_ band, but other friends'. To appease his father, he did enroll in business courses. When he could,, though, he snuck in a few music theory and production courses since University of Washington had some excellent facilities. Plus, it gave him access to their recording studios. He could sneak in and use them for some of his pet projects. The equipment was far superior to his own.

Once in a while he ran into his high school teacher (and _Itachi's_ good friend) Kakashi—usually when out at a bar in the downtown area. _That_ man was _such_ a pain in the ass, and almost always asked about Naruto. Actually, _everyone_ always asked him about Naruto. Like he was the blond's keeper. Sasuke was positive Naruto called his mother nearly every week, too. He probably didn't _want_ to know the frequency with which Naruto spoke to Itachi (or vice versa).

At least his brother eventually learned not to talk about him while in Sasuke's presence, which wasn't too frequent nowadays. Itachi had become busy with graduate school, and Sasuke — _suspected_ — Itachi might be dating someone, though he refused to reveal who it was. In his greatest moments of paranoia Sasuke might've even believed it to be Naruto. They were nauseatingly close. They always had been, but what did he care? Honestly.

He dropped the cigarette onto the ground, squashed it under his heavy black boot, and gazed up at the sky. It was clear and full of stars. The later it got, the more crowded the sidewalk became, and everyone was annoyingly loud. The tourists and locals alike came out in their most flamboyant attire, which normally Sasuke would've appreciated, but tonight it irritated him. Now, all he wanted to do was avoid people. He'd catch a bus back to the apartment he shared with two roommates, text Itachi, play around on his new electric guitar for a while, and pass out.

To avoid the growing crowd, he decided to take the back way down the alley that ran the length of the entire block of bars. Typically, it was well lit, but a few of the light posts were blown out. It wreaked of trash from the Dumpsters, too. He even spotted a rat crawling out from under one; its fur shone oddly silver in the moonlight. Sasuke paused, waiting for it to get across before walking onward. When did this part to town become so dirty, or had it always been this way?

It seemed he'd only taken a few more steps after the rat disappeared that Sasuke heard the sound of footsteps coming from behind him. Given that half of the gay community was out tonight, it didn't surprise him that regular patrons were finding an alternate route home. However, when he could hear the distinct sound of multiple footsteps moving at a suddenly quickened pace, Sasuke's heart rate picked up and he turned around just in time to get punched in the face. There were only _seconds_ for him to realize what was happening before he was surrounded by four guys who looked to be his age or older. Because it was so dark, it was hard to make them out very well, but it appeared three of them were white and one hispanic. They all had on dark clothing, two of them with the hoods of their sweatshirts pulled up.

He stumbled back a few steps upon the impact of the first punch, knowing his nose had been broken and was now bleeding. Sasuke might've just been drinking, but his adrenaline and martial arts experience kicked in, _literally_. The hispanic attacker approached him, called him a "dirty faggot" and attempted to lunge at him only for Sasuke to land a kick to his ribs. Two of the others came at him after that, trying to get a hold of his arms—which allowed the last remaining asshole to throw a punch that, because Sasuke attempted to dodge, only nicked his ear.

It all happened so fast, and Sasuke, while struggling to believe this was truly happening, had it in the back of his mind how this could be his very last few moments on earth. If they had a gun, a knife, any type of weapon, he wouldn't be able to hold off all of them by himself, so he _fought_. He fought while thinking about all the stories he'd ever read about gay men, lesbians, trans men or women getting bashed and killed by bigots. Sasuke did _not_ want to be a statistic. Thinking about this, he blindly kicked and punched, making contact on several occasions despite being attacked over and over again. At one point, he was thrown by two of them against the hard brick wall of one of the buildings. It knocked the wind out of him. All he could see was black while the back of his head pulsed dully. He wondered if it had opened up his skull. Another one—the hispanic man again—was on him, a hand wrapped about his throat. Sasuke remembered how very brown his eyes were, his complexion, the slight accent he had when he spat gross slurs. He remembered feeling some satisfaction in the man now having a cut that went across his left cheek. Maybe it was a _good_ thing Sasuke hadn't had a manicure lately if his nails could do such damage. He should've worn that ring of Itachi's he often did nowadays, too, but he'd left it on the desk in his apartment. It was a strange thought to be having as another punch landed just under his right eye. It felt like his eye exploded on impact. Sasuke took hold of the front of the guy's hooded sweatshirt, shook him, and kicked him in the groin. The expression he saw was so gratifying, but by then Sasuke had lost the strength in his legs and started to collapse.

Luckily, near the entrance of the alley, it sounded as if a large group was heading their way, spooking all of his attackers. The hispanic man dropped Sasuke to the ground. All four of them took off in the opposite direction, leaving Sasuke on the cold concrete, next to a Dumpster. To be honest, he wasn't sure how long all of that had lasted. He couldn't open one of his eyes and was positive he was bleeding out his nose. No doubt he had a concussion and other various scratches and bruises that would appear tomorrow if they hadn't already. There was something wrong with his wrist, too, because he tried to reach into his coat pocket for his phone only to wince in pain. The voices became louder as the group got closer to where he sat, crumpled like a rag doll. Sasuke expected them to stop when they passed, and _as_ they walked by him, he tried to speak, but couldn't get anything out after being choked so damn hard.

They passed, and not a single one glanced his way. They must've thought him a vagrant given that he was on the ground and nearly hidden by the Dumpster. He felt helpless.

Sasuke couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't ask for aid.

The group... simply kept walking.

Sasuke remained there for a while, trying to snap himself out of his shock while attempting to take stock of all of his injuries and whether he could get up. If he could just get to his phone, he might be able to call for help—but who could he call? There's no way he'd call his parents. Itachi wasn't in town yet. Suigetsu wouldn't answer. All of Itachi's friends were pissed at him.

That left…

Well, what good would _that_ do him?

Maybe it was the concussion or the after effects of all that adrenaline, or possibly even blood loss, but—reaching slowly into his pocket despite the pain—he pulled out his phone.

It took effort to unlock it, to open up his contacts, and scroll through.

 _Rin_.

That was a name he hadn't thought of in a long time, but she was still listed in Sasuke's contacts. Was she even in Seattle anymore? She'd stopped playing with her band about a year ago and had gone to South America for a while.

It wasn't Rin he was looking for anyway.

Sasuke, scrolling through his contacts again, stopped on _one_ name in particular. He opened up a text message, stared at the stark white space, and typed with a single finger.

 _having a nice night?_

He sent it, staring at the screen. No reply after several minutes. Not that he'd expected one.

 _i've had better,_ he typed a second message.

Sasuke stared at his phone as if willing Naruto to respond like this were _The Shining_.

Eventually, he stared so long that the screen darkened and relocked.

Not knowing what else to do, Sasuke continued to sit amongst the garbage and rats. He must've remained there for close to 40 minutes before dragging himself to his feet. Using the wall to support himself, Sasuke dusted himself off, rearranged his soiled clothes, and wiped at his face. When he held his fingers close to his face, there was blood. Sasuke touched the back of his head and then looked at his hand again. There was blood there, too, some of it crusted. It only hurt a little bit. Then again, didn't being in shock dull all of that?

He hoped so because all he wanted to do was go home. Sasuke made his way down another couple of blocks, the direction he'd originally been heading. When he exited the alley, there were a few people waiting near a bus stop, but all they did was stare at him and move away.

Sasuke was too tired to be bothered, but it did occur to him that if any of them were Naruto, he could imagine that idiot being the first to charge up to—not just him, but any stranger—and demand that he go to a hospital or call an ambulance. How annoying. Butting into someone's business like that. Sasuke was just fine. He was okay. He could take care of himself. _Clearly_.

When the bus arrived and he got on, swiping his ORCA card, the middle-aged black female driver was the first person to ask if he was okay.

"I'm amazing," he said.

"Son, I think you need to go to a hospital," she replied.

"I don't believe the bus goes that route."

After that, he stumbled to the back of the bus and slumped down into a seat. Sasuke remembered staring out the window—his reflection showing his arms crossed to his chest and his dirty, bloodied face. In a way, however fucked up the situation, it was a bit like being a part of a _Fight Club_. There had been a rush. After all, it was easier to think of it that way than admit he'd been the victim of a hate crime. If he started to dwell on that, there'd be no turning back.

There was a point he blacked out but was awakened by his phone vibrating in his pocket. After getting past the initial _where the fuck am I moment_ , Sasuke remembered whom he'd texted earlier. His heart was already beating fast as he pulled out his phone and looked at the text message, feeling an odd thrill that Naruto had replied after months of radio silence.

Wait until Sasuke told him about _this_ shit.

He read the message in his inbox.

 _I just landed_

Itachi.

He must've stared at his phone for 10 minutes before replying.

 _cool. want to meet me at the hospital?_

It was only 30 seconds later that his phone rang.

He picked up, voice cracking slightly. "'Ello?"

"What's going on?" Itachi asked.

"Nothing. Forget it."

"Where are you?"

"On a bus," he answered, but, looking around, he was the only rider left.

"Why did you ask about a hospital?"

"I might need one, but, like I said, I'm on a bus."

"Sasuke, what the _hell_ is going on right now?"

"I, uh." He closed his eyes. "Got jumped by some fucks after leaving a gay bar."

"Jesus," Itachi muttered. "Are you _okay_? Are you _alone_?"

"Besides the bus driver, yeah."

"I'll take an Uber and be right there. Which hospital is closest for you?"

"I think… the emergency room… close to campus."

"Do I need to call an ambulance?"

"No," he said facetiously. "I'm _fine_."

"You're clearly _not_ fine. I'll go right to the waiting room and come find you."

"Itachi…?" He asked, and then felt a painful stabbing sensation in his ribs that caused him to take in a sharp inhale of breath. "...D-don't tell anyone about this."

Itachi paused before replying hesitantly. "...Alright."

"That includes Naruto."

"Sasuke—"

Sasuke hung up on him. He had an urge to vomit and did so on the floor. The bus came to a screeching halt. The driver bolted toward the back, hovering over him.

"Jesus, boy. You need a hospital! I'm calling 911!"

He wiped at his mouth, looking up at her with his one good eye. " _Don't_. I'm… J-just drop me off near there, I'll walk. Someone's," he coughed, "Going to meet me."

"I don't think—" She began to argue, but quickly nodded, and went to the front of the bus. The driver used the radio to let them know she was making an unexpected stop due to—

But, Sasuke couldn't make out the words any longer. It wasn't coherent to him.

His head drooped, and every bump of the road caused significant pain.

A couple of times he almost vomited again, so he was proud that when they did make it to the hospital, he'd been able to keep from blowing chunks.

The driver was kind enough to help him through the doors of the emergency room where nurses rushed quickly to help her. Sasuke didn't realize he was in that bad of a condition until he noted their faces. They were asking him questions, including if he was a student. Sasuke remembered nodding, but everything that followed from that point on remained rather fuzzy. They transferred him to an examination room, where he sat alone for some time.

A doctor came in, examined him, and left again. Sasuke crawled up onto the examining table and shut his eyes only for another nurse to come in and scold him for falling asleep.

"What the fuck am I _supposed_ to do?" He grumbled at her.

How long he lay there, he wasn't sure, but next he opened his eyes—Itachi stood beside the table, staring down at him. The initial look he had on his face seemed foreign to him.

"Who died?" Sasuke asked.

Itachi appeared to snap out of it. "I think we should call mother and father. You won't be able to hide this from them."

"I'll tell them I fell down some stairs," he replied, attempting a smirk, which was hard to do when his facial muscles were working about as well as a stroke victim's. "Take a picture. We'll put it on Snapchat or Instagram. I look tough, don't I?"

"You look like you got the _shit_ kicked out of you, Sasuke," Itachi answered and proceeded to nearly poke Sasuke's other eye out while observing the damage.

"Watch it. I've only got one good one left."

Itachi, with his brow deeply furrowed, shook his head. "I'm glad you can find humor in this situation. The police will be here so that you can file a report."

"How?" He asked. "I don't know who they were. Just random assholes in an alley."

"Didn't you get a good look at them?"

"It was dark."

Itachi frowned.

"Itachi," he said, " _Don't_ make a bigger deal about this than it is. I don't want that. I don't…"

 _I don't want to_ feel _like a victim_.

"I will leave it to you," Itachi told him. "But, I think you should report what you can. They'll be coming in anyway since it's part of hospital protocol. Tell them what you remember."

"Whatever." He went to rub at his forehead and winced. "I want to see it."

"No, you really don't," Itachi replied, obviously not making any attempt to hold back about the state of his face. "I'll get a hotel room for us tonight. So you don't have to go to the apartment."

"I can go to the apartment," he argued.

Itachi raised an eyebrow. "I'll take care of it."

"...Okay." Sasuke shut his eyes, too tired to argue further. "Thank you," he said after a minute. "Sorry to fuck up your plans. I know you wanted to hang out with your friends."

"Don't say such foolish things, little brother."

Sasuke snorted. "... I… I'm tired."

"I bet you are." Itachi carefully brushed his bangs to the side.

He coughed again, the action causing pain in his side. "Ribs hurt."

"Yes, I believe the doctor said he thinks one or two are broken."

"I think I broke a nose or two," he said. "I fought back."

"Just rest," Itachi advised. "No sleeping, though, or I'll be forced to flick you in the forehead."

"I've experienced worse." Sasuke opened his one eye. " _Don't_ forget… "

"Hm?" Itachi stuck his hand into his coat pocket.

"Don't tell Naruto," Sasuke repeated. "... _Please_."

Itachi stared at him for a long moment before nodding. "Very well."

It brought him relief for some reason. Although, he had to admit there was a sense of disappointment Naruto never texted back. If their friendship had ever meant anything to the idiot, wouldn't he be able to _feel_ this happening to Sasuke? Like a disturbance in the force?

He should take it as a sign.

Something hurt.

"Does it hurt?" Itachi asked.

"Why… d-do you ask?" His voice was raspy, throat sore, too.

"You're crying, Sasuke."

Sasuke felt his cheek. There was a tear rolling down, toward his chin.

"I'm fine," he replied. "It'll be fine."

"Then rest a while. I'll go check with the doctor again. You'll need stitches."

He only had the strength to nod.

Itachi exited the room. Despite the pain it caused, Sasuke rolled onto his side and stared at the stark white wall of the hospital room. He held it in for all of 30 seconds before loudly sobbing. Sasuke couldn't _stop_ , and the noises that came from him as he curled in on himself would've been embarrassing for him if anyone else had been around to hear it. He cried for _so_ long that his only good eye swelled up and burned from the sheer volume of tears. By then, it was near impossible to cry at all, so he simply lay there, staring at the wall, the weight of what happened finally hitting him full force. He couldn't get it out of his mind; it rocked him in waves of grief, pain, guilt, confusion, anger, fear, sadness.

Other people had gone through this before him, had suffered worse. He'd been lucky tonight, and he knew it. Now, he understood first-hand. This had been why it took him so long to come out in the first place. That fear, that knowledge of being different from everyone else but not wanting to accept it. It made him feel small and weak to be put in this situation.

But, after tonight—Sasuke vowed to never, _ever_ allow himself to feel like this helpless again.


	2. Dream ISOC: Age 23

a/n: did an informal poll on tumblr and rather than do the "next day" kind of thing, i did a timeskip that parallels main ISOC (as it should). enjoy.

* * *

Naruto was finishing up the dishes while Sasuke stood in front of the stove waiting for the tea kettle to go off.

"You know you standin' there doesn't make the water boil any faster, right?" Naruto asked, smiling as he set a dinner plate on the drying rack.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Sasuke, smirking, glanced over at him. "I thought I'd keep you company, but I suppose I can amuse myself in other ways.

"I'm not trying to get rid of you," he replied, shaking his head. "Just think you're funny."

"Hn." Sasuke sauntered over, stood beside him, and then lightly bumped into his hip.

It had been only two months since Sasuke moved to Joliet from New York in order to start his new job in Chicago. Granted, they'd _slowly_ been easing into this new, strange friendship, but there were definitely moments Naruto thought it all felt so familiar. Like from when they were in high school. Still, though, there were memories that floated in and out of his brain at varying times: hurtful things Sasuke had said in the past—after high school graduation, during their first two years of college, the week of the funeral, and that _very_ confusing trip to New York he took years ago. They were _working_ on being friends again, repairing that breach in trust, and trying to allow that, as they got older, stuff didn't have to be so dramatic between them anymore. In a lot of ways, Sasuke seemed a different person. He was more humble, more hesitant and thoughtful in how he approached Naruto. And Naruto hadn't let this go unnoticed, so since Sasuke was trying, he was trying, too. After all, Sasuke had been like family to him at one point, and no matter what had happened between them over the last seven years—the thought of Sasuke not being an important person in his life had always been something that bothered him greatly.

"Do you want any help?" Sasuke asked. "Since you're the one who made dinner. If that's what you want to call it."

"I'm almost done, it's okay."

"Not going to react to that barb about your cooking?"

"No," he said. "Since I know that's what you want me to do. I thought the food was decent."

"It was." Sasuke opened the drawer beside the sink and yanked out another dish towel. "Are you okay? You seem… odd tonight."

"Do I?" Naruto looked over as Sasuke picked up some silverware and began to dry it.

"Yeah, you do. You've seemed preoccupied all night."

"Heh." Naruto smiled, bit his lip like he always did when anxious, and shook his head. "I suppose it _is_ weird, huh? Me overthinkin' stuff?"

Sasuke's expression became one of concern. "What are you overthinking?"

"What, no jokes about how my brain might explode if I think too much?"

Sasuke set down the towel. "Not if it's serious. Is it something I did?"

"No, no, dude." He turned, tossing his towel into the sink. "I don't know. I mean…" He sighed. "Sorry. It's not you at all, I'm just… I don't know how to explain it?"

"But… it has something to do with me?" Sasuke asked. "Me being here? Living here?"

"Yes. ...And no." He laughed uncertainly, then scratched at the back of his neck.

"You're doing that thing you do. You can be honest with me, Naruto. That's what we agreed to."

"I know, but I don't have a specific thing? I just keep thinkin' about stuff, and it's not anything you're doing now—"

"Something I've done in the past?"

"Well, no, that's not right either because the past is the past… but, like, yeah… I just have moments where I'm jugglin' in my head the old us, the us from a couple years ago, the us in New York, the us now—"

"I see."

"I don't…" Naruto sighed again, picked up all the clean silverware and dumped it in the open silverware drawer. "I know it'll take time to adjust. I know you've apologized, and I've apologized for New York—"

"You don't have to apologize for that." Sasuke smirked, and Naruto rolled his eyes at him.

"Ass." He laughed again, this time more genuine, and his cheeks flushed slightly. "That was a slip up. And two years ago, by the way. Lots has happened since then. You went to England—"

"And you broke up with that blonde girlfriend of yours."

"She has a name," Naruto scolded.

"Does she, though?" Sasuke squinted at him. "What was it again? Veronica? Stacey? Melanie?"

"Shion." He pressed his back to the counter and crossed his arms. "And that wasn't all that long ago. What, six months now?"

"Of that, I am all too aware," Sasuke mumbled.

"Hmm." Naruto shifted, uncomfortable with this topic. "Why don't we have a drink or somethin'?"

"It's getting kind of late," Sasuke commented, leaving the statement hanging in the air.

Naruto's eyebrow went up. "You've got somethin' planned for tomorrow?"

"No." Sasuke shrugged. "It just felt like a thing I was supposed to say there."

"Oh God, don't hate me, but that totally sounds like a thing Sai would say."

Sasuke's expression darkened. "I think I'll go—"

Naruto had to jog after him and grab him by the sleeve. "I'm kiddin', I'm kiddin', sorry I brought him up, but why are you so mad about it. He hates my guts now. You know that."

They were stopped in the hallway between kitchen and living room, where there weren't any lights except those coming from either room.

"I don't like when you bring him up," Sasuke said. "It makes me think about how I used to be, the shitty things I did back then. To you, to Itachi…"

"To yourself…" Naruto added, still holding onto his sleeve.

Sasuke glanced down at his hand, then up again.

"It's a work in progress is all," Naruto told him. "It's gonna take time, but I know you've changed, and I wanna do this if we can. And you're right, we gotta stay honest with each other. We weren't honest when we were younger and everything… _everything_ fell apart."

"I was immature," Sasuke said, eyes on Naruto's.

"I was hurt and I had my walls way up."

"...I still think about the things I said to you…" Sasuke averted his gaze, "When you came for the funeral and stayed in the house. I understand why you didn't speak to me afterward. I understand why you didn't speak to me after high school, too. I know I was being selfish—"

"We were 18," Naruto reassured. "You've apologized, and I never truly held those things against you from," He cleared his throat, as it was painful to talk about even now, "Your parents' funeral. I'd _never_ do that. You had every right to be angry and upset; it's the same way I felt when mom died. You remember how angry I was when we first met."

"How…" Sasuke crossed his arms, forcing Naruto to let go of his shirt. "... How can you still defend me after everything? I… Itachi does it, too. I have to atone for those things—"

"You can atone by changing, Sasuke. You're overthinking—"

"—You were overthinking just now," Sasuke interrupted. "It's why we're having this conversation in your dumb dark hallway."

"My hallway is not _dumb_ ," Naruto replied, offering a smile. "See, this is good. These are things we need to talk about when we feel them instead of hiding shit. Like… I love this. This is good."

"Really?" Sasuke glanced away again. "Because I feel incredibly uncomfortable."

"You tellin' me you feel uncomfortable is awesome, though."

Sasuke, eyebrow up, turned to look at him again. "I'm so glad."

"Heh." Naruto's smile grew bigger. "Maybe we just need to have a drink and talk some stuff out. I know we've done that plenty over the last two months and, uh, a little before that."

"In New York, you mean?" Sasuke waggled his eyebrows.

"God, get the fuck over it!" He threw his hands in the air. "You're the one who attacked me anyway! You kissed me first!"

"Well… you're not wrong." Sasuke grinned in full. It was disgusting.

"I'm feelin' that old urge I used to get to wanna beat you, but… _oh right_. You'd probably like it."

"You're damn right I would." Sasuke's eyes were practically sparkling.

"You think you're funny, don't you?" Naruto shoved his hands into his back jean pockets.

"Relatively." Sasuke nodded. "So, what do you want to do?"

"Drink," he answered almost immediately. "Not get _drunk_. Just enough to take the edge off."

"That's fair." Sasuke backed up a step to lean against the wall.

"We'll have to go to the store, though," Naruto said. "All I have is beer, and I'm in the mood for—"

"Something harder?" Sasuke, again, smirked.

"Would you let it go already? So much for maturity," Naruto replied in a dufus voice.

"Right. _I'm_ the one lacking in maturity."

"You're the one makin' sexual innuendos every 30 seconds." Naruto slowly moved his socked foot, pressing the top of it against Sasuke's shin. "Am I just a piece of meat to you?"

"...I can't tell if you're being serious or not," Sasuke answered, voice quiet. "You're not just a piece of meat to me, Naruto. You're a friend. They're only jokes."

"Tch. I know they're jokes, dum dum."

"Dum dum? _Really_? That one you can't get away with!" Sasuke stepped forward, forcibly put Naruto in a headlock, and dragged him toward the bedroom. "Stop overthinking. It's not your strong suit. Put on a jacket and a sweatshirt, so we can go pick up some liquor."

"Ow, ow, ow!" Naruto complained until he was unceremoniously tossed on his own bed before Sasuke went over to his closet, rifled through his clothes, and threw a sweatshirt and coat at him. "Not that one," he complained. "I want the red one! Sasuke! Sasu _ke_!"

"No, I like the blue one on you better," Sasuke replied, picking up his own jacket from off the back of Naruto's chair and slipping it on. "The red one makes you look fat."

"Oh my God!" Naruto bounced off of the bed even while slipping the hoodie Sasuke chose over his head, "How fuckin' rude, man. Like, I am not fat at all. You're… you're fat!"

"'You're fat'," Sasuke repeated in a nasally, childish voice— _mocking_ him.

"You _bastard_!" Naruto went to attack him, but Sasuke did that weird judo shit and snuck a leg around his calf, making him crumble down onto one knee.

"Ask for mercy," Sasuke whispered near his ear.

"Never!" Naruto cried. "Never! Never! Ow, ow. Never!"

He forced Naruto even lower until Naruto was lying face first on the carpet, an arm behind his back and Sasuke seated on top of him.

"You probably love this position," Naruto shouted. "You pervert!"

"I don't know if you know anything about sex," Sasuke replied. "But this isn't how it works."

"Aaaah!" Naruto rolled and tried to toss him off until finally Sasuke relented.

"You're too stubborn for your own good," Sasuke told him, ignoring the slap Naruto gave his chest. "Unfortunately, I don't want to sit on you all night. I'd like a drink, too."

"Ass." Naruto shoved him again, lightly. "Then why'd you sit on me in the first place? After callin' me fat, too! You're… such a… "

"Such a what?" Sasuke asked, looking all cool in his black leather jacket.

"You think just 'cause you wear a leather jacket and lived in New York City and are all, like, Uchiha Sasuke—that you're so… cool… and… shut up, Sasuke."

"Very eloquent, Naruto. You should write a speech for the President. It wouldn't sound any different than the ones he gives now."

"How dare you!" Naruto jumped on him immediately. "How dare you compare me to that big fuckin' orange dickwad! I'm gonna beat you so good you'll use your safeword twice."

"That—"

This time, by some miracle because he was actually a little out of shape, Naruto had him pinned face first into the frame of the closet.

"I learned a few things in college, y'know. Took some martial arts or whatever."

"For how long?" Sasuke asked. "Two weeks before your attention span ran out and you quit?"

" _No_ ," Naruto uttered facetiously. "I… decided I couldn't afford it so I asked my friend Lee to teach me some moves privately."

"Oh, really? Is he the boy you kissed—"

"What the fuck? I told you never to mention—"

Oop. Naruto was on the floor again, this time on his back. He was staring up at a grinning Sasuke, his dark hair hanging in front of his eyes. _Smiling_. Sasuke. Was _smiling_. So _surreal_. Naruto had another one of those moments of uncertainty and hesitation. Suddenly, the corners of Sasuke's mouth turned down and Naruto's current expression was reflected in his eyes.

"You're doing it again," Sasuke whispered.

"I know."

Sasuke started to get up, but Naruto was quick to grab his wrist.

"Just gimme a second," he said. "It's not you. It's… like I'm kinda floatin' through time. Anchor me." Naruto readjusted his grip on the other man. "Don't… let me float away."

There was a slight narrowing of his gaze, but otherwise, Sasuke remained still, sitting there.

"Okay."

Briefly, Naruto closed his eyes, took in a deep breath, held it, and then let it out, chuckling.

"Maybe I need therapy?" He asked, meaning it as a joke (but, not really).

"Maybe we both do," Sasuke answered, expression remaining one of consternation.

"Have you ever considered it? Real therapy, I mean. Not just blowin' off steam at some sex club or gettin' high or fuckin' the entirety of Manhattan."

"I lived in Brooklyn, mind you," Sasuke replied. "So, Manhattan _and_ Brooklyn."

"Yeesh. That is not how I wanted you to respond to that." Naruto tried not to think about it. The hordes of men Sasuke had slept with; not because it made him particularly jealous (they were barely speaking then, after all), but because he knew how Sasuke felt about himself at the time. They'd had that very raw conversation while in New York. Even _thinking_ about the time in the bathtub could bring tears to his eyes. Seeing the bruises on Sasuke's body. Feeling guilty that Sasuke had felt this way all along and Naruto hadn't known. Sometimes, he'd told himself that Sasuke was simply living his own life and had moved on from high school, which was fine. Naruto had tried to move on in his own ways, too. Maybe that was the doubt he had now. Back then, they weren't healthy for each other, were they? Could they be friends again? Had enough time gone by, had enough changed, were they more mature now? What was he afraid of?

"We should go," Sasuke said, voice quiet.

"Walmart's open all night. Are you in a hurry?" He asked, trying to regain his humor.

"No, but I am feeling anxious."

"Are you?"

Sasuke's answer was a look, one Naruto knew well.

"Alright," he said. "Get your fat ass off me, and I'll get my keys."

"You asked me to keep sitting on you!" Sasuke, in a graceful manner, got to his feet and held a hand out. Naruto took it and allowed himself to be pulled up. "Who's the pervert now?"

"I'm not even gonna reply to that." Naruto ended up putting on the hoodie Sasuke chose.

"Looks good," Sasuke complimented, nodding.

"I didn't wear it 'cause you picked it out, y'know. I wore it 'cause… "

Sasuke's eyebrows drew up. "Because…?"

"Nothing. You should wear a hat." Naruto went to the closet and picked out any black beanie he could find and, standing before him, put it on Sasuke's head, adjusting it in the back.

"Thank you," Sasuke whispered.

"Your 'thank you's' always sound so serious, Sasuke."

"Maybe because I mean them."

Naruto dropped his arms to his side, watching him. "Let's get some alcohol."

"Lead the way. I'll let you drive your _baby_."

"Oh, yes. Speak to me of Baby, and that's how to butter me up." Naruto went to pick his keys off his dresser and made sure the TV was off.

"So gross, so unexpectedly heteronormative of you."

"Hey… that's sexist. Somehow."

"Excuse me. I can't hear you over the sound of your privilege."

"Oh God, you know I voted straight Democrat," Naruto said, chasing him out of the bedroom and toward the door. "I did my part. They say people our age don't even vote most of the time."

"Did you just _assume_ their orientation? Would you like a pat on the back?" Sasuke asked as they walked through his living room. He opened the door for Naruto and waited. They had to wait out in the hallway a second so that he could make sure the door was locked.

"Hilarious," Naruto replied.

Side by side, they made their way to the elevator. Naruto pushed the button. They waited only a minute before it climbed its way to his floor. They weren't talking, just making faces at each other until Naruto ended up being the one to crack up (as was always the case). Once the doors slid open, they stepped inside—Sasuke to one side, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall and Naruto to the opposite side, hands in the pocket of his hoodie, whistling.

"You're a terrible whistler," Sasuke said.

"Why are you antagonizing me tonight?"

Sasuke shrugged. "Only pointing out the facts."

"I didn't know there was a standard for whistling." He frowned. "You never complained before."

"The delicacy of my ears has improved over time. All that professional training."

"For when you sign a band of whistlers?"

"Exactly." Sasuke grinned.

Naruto snorted. "Asshole."

"What did you say Kiba was up to tonight?"

"Date with Ino." They arrived on the first floor and headed out of the apartment complex. Naruto hit the button on the fob to unlock his truck. Once inside, he put on his seatbelt and pet the steering wheel fondly, cooing at it.

"Again, gross."

"You slobber all over that dumb Prius of yours," Naruto shot back. "I'm gonna revoke your radio privileges if you keep talkin' smack about my truck."

"I do not _slobber_ ," Sasuke replied, already buckled. He started searching for something on Sirius.

Naruto didn't really mind as clearly Sasuke was the expert on music. Not to mention, their tastes weren't all that dissimilar. Naruto still liked to listen to bands Sasuke had put him on to in high school. He did listen to more rap than Sasuke. Sasuke was selective about his rap.

"So, about this whistling band?" Naruto pulled out of the parking lot, smiling. "How many members do you think I would need to pull that off?"

"I'm not signing you and Kiba to anything."

"God, you're not very open-minded, are you?"

"I'm pretty sure I'd be laughed out of my job."

"I doubt it. They'd be all 'Ooh this is so evocative, Sasuke. But can they interpretive dance while whistling?'."

"No one would say that." Sasuke's phone vibrated; he pulled it out to check, then put it away.

"Who was that?" Naruto asked, turning onto one of the main roads.

"Itachi."

"Oh, what the heck. He hasn't texted me!"

"In the last 30 minutes, you mean?" Sasuke switched the station unexpectedly.

"We don't text _that_ much."

"Uh huh."

Naruto focused on driving. It was dark, cold, and had rained earlier. He didn't want them sliding through an intersection, even though his tires were good for that. Ever since Sasuke's parents passed away in a traffic accident, he'd become hyper-vigilant about driving, especially if someone else was in his car. Thinking about Mikoto and Fugaku was always a painful thing for him, as painful as thinking about his own mother. He often thought of them, especially Sasuke's mom as she had become like a second mother to him. Naruto was always open to Sasuke talking about either of them, but Sasuke very rarely brought them up. However, Sasuke still had his mother's cat she'd adopted from that one record store in Seattle. Naruto remembered Mikoto had named him something else at the time, but somewhere along the way, Sasuke had changed the orange tabby's moniker to Ollie. All of a sudden, he wanted to ask what that name had been, but he didn't want to ruin the mood. His thoughts were starting to dampen already.

"You're quiet," Sasuke pointed out after another few minutes. "What are you thinking?"

Naruto debated for a few seconds whether to be truthful. "Your parents."

"What about them?"

Naruto looked over for a quick second. "It's nothin'. Just think about them sometimes."

"...I don't mind if you say."

"You sure?" Naruto bit his lip. They were trying this honesty thing, and holding back wasn't exactly being honest, so. "Sorry, I mean. We don't need to talk about it."

"I asked. It's fine, Naruto. I promise."

He sighed, grip tightening on the wheel. "I just started thinkin' about driving, and how I want to be safe and keep the people with me safe is all. Then, I started thinkin' about your mom and dad. I miss them a lot. Sometimes I have conversations with your mom in my head."

"Do you?" Sasuke's voice sounded slightly rough. "What do you say to her?"

"Nothing special. Just conversations. Same as I have with my mom. Things I did that day, things that are goin' on, stuff that's troubling me. I dunno. I've… always done that."

"I suppose you don't speak to my father as much?" Sasuke asked, arms crossing again.

"Sometimes." He glanced over again. "Don't you?"

Sasuke looked out the window. "You're right. Maybe we shouldn't talk about this."

"Alright," he replied gently. "Okay."

Five minutes later, they pulled into the parking lot of Walmart, a place both of them hated going, but it was late at night and it was cheap. On the way inside, Naruto picked up a basket in case they wanted any food. He didn't have tons of stuff at his apartment in the way of snacks. First, though, they headed to the back where the liquor aisles were located. They separated, each picking out whatever they wanted. Naruto grabbed a bottle of vodka, Sasuke got some rum. They also picked out a bottle of orange juice and a bottle of Coke. Sasuke wanted water, too. And a plain yogurt. Naruto, afterward, went through the snack aisle. He chose a bag of sour cream and onion potato chips and a bag of Reese's peanut butter cups.

"You sure all you want is water and a yogurt? You're probably spendin' the night, yeah?"

"I might," Sasuke answered. "Yogurt is fine. I might have some chips. Or, should we get a pizza?"

"We just ate. Are you hungry?"

"I might be later."

"Sure," he said, nodding. "We can pick up a pizza."

He led them toward the refrigerator aisle, and after a few minutes of debating, picked out a supreme pizza and fit it into his plastic basket.

"Okay? Is that everything? I think I have toilet paper and paper towels, right?"

"I believe so," Sasuke answered.

They went to the self-checkout—Naruto paying for his stuff, and Sasuke his rum, yogurt, and water. At first, when Sasuke moved out this way from New York, he would try to pay for everything. Naruto broke him of that habit very quickly. He had a job. Maybe it wasn't as fancy or as well-paid as Sasuke's, but he did okay working at the boat shop his dad started. It was fun, really. Kiba and Ino worked there. They had a great time during the day, but they did work hard. He was trying to put his business degree from Northern to use. It wasn't his forever job, but it was nice to have something lined up after graduation. Plus, he'd learned a lot in the two years he'd been working there. He wasn't in a huge hurry to move on to something else or relocate.

After checking out, they grabbed their bags and returned to the car. He waited until they were both strapped in before they took off back to his apartment, music playing.

"I like this song," Naruto murmured.

"Me, too."

"Makes me sad, though."

"Same."

Naruto glanced at him. "Sing it?"

"No, thanks."

"Want me to? Or, do you want me to _whistle_ it?"

"Suit yourself," Sasuke replied, his mood apparently having soured.

"They sound like _Radical Face_ ," he said. "Show me where your heart is at, 'cause I never knew. And I've been lookin' for the worst in us, 'cause you and I, you and I, self-destruct. I tell you that I want you back, tell me you do." Naruto paused for a breath.

"Much better than your whistling," Sasuke mumbled. "Your voice isn't horrible. I've always thought so."

"That's a special kinda compliment, isn't it?"

"Special compliment for a _special_ kind of person."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Maybe you should have some yogurt, Mr. Crabby Pants."

"I'm not crabby. I'm… _reflective_."

"I see." He sighed, running fingers through his hair when they stopped at a light. "Sing the next part, though?"

Sasuke cleared his throat. "I know you remember that Rin and I sang this once."

"Oh," he said. "Shit. No… I forgot, but yeah you did once, didn't you? You guys sang a lot of good songs. Maybe that's why I have fond memories of it. Sad, too, I guess."

"Do you ever talk to her?" Sasuke asked, turning the volume low. "Rin, I mean?"

"I knew who you meant. No. Not for a while. We used to keep in touch on Twitter, but when I started datin' Shion, she didn't really like me talkin' to other girls, so..."

"So, you let her keep you from talking to your friends?"

"Sasuke," he said irritably. "She had a point. Rin and I dated for a while, and… it's not like I stopped just 'cause Shion said to, Rin started doin' her own stuff and fell off the grid. Last I heard she was in Vancouver, maybe? Before that she was in Brazil. I know she was out of the country during the funeral, right? But, if she were in Seattle, she would've come."

"I know," Sasuke said. "I heard from her."

"Ah, good. I figured she would."

"It's hard," Sasuke muttered. "Escaping the past. Isn't it?"

They were just pulling into his parking lot.

"How do you mean?"

Sasuke gave him a look.

Naruto searched him. "Do you—" He stopped, though.

"Do I… what?"

"Nothing," he said.

"Go on."

"Do you feel like… being around me… makes it harder? Isn't that why you went to New York? But, you _knew_ I lived here. You wanted to come here."

"I had a job offer," Sasuke replied, tone a little short.

"You know I don't mean it that way." He undid his belt. "I just mean, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I don't want to be the guy who makes you remember stuff you don't want to."

"I'm here, aren't I?" Sasuke answered. "I knew what it could be like. And I'm tired of running."

"Okay."

"You don't believe me."

"I can tell that you get anxious sometimes."

"As do you," Sasuke replied, gaze unwavering.

"I do. I know. It's why I worry if you feel the same."

"Because you feel it?"

"Yeah. We always, we were _close_ once because we were on the same page. And when we weren't on the same page, we stopped being close. What page are we on now?"

"The prologue, I hope," Sasuke replied. "To a sequel."

"Heh. That answer's pretty gay."

"What you said just before was pretty fucking gay, Naruto."

"I know." He laughed, scratching the back of his head and blushing. "Let's get our shit and make some drinks, listen to some music, chill. We can talk or not, I dunno. Let's just… be."

Sasuke snorted. "Okay, Yoda. Whatever you say. I'll try to shake this off. I don't know where it came from all of a sudden."

"Do or do not," he sing-songed. "There is no try, Sasuke."

"Shut up, Naruto. And go make me a drink."

* * *

After several drinks, they were sitting on top of Naruto's bed, playing a game of cards. _Pineapple Express_ was on in the background.

"Drinking is good," Naruto said, throwing down a couple of shitty cards he'd been dealt. "It makes losin' to you over and over easier to take."

"You'd think you'd be used to it."

"I'm only rusty," Naruto replied. "I had all those years of not hangin' out with someone as competitive as you."

"Should I disappear for another couple of years then?"

"No. Now that you're back, seems dumb to go away again. Do you really wanna live with Deidara? Or, you could move back to Seattle and live with Itachi. He sounds like he doesn't like his boss very much. Does he ever talk about that weirdo to you?"

"Not as much as you, apparently," Sasuke said, not hiding his sneer.

"Are you still all jealous about he and I bein' buddies?"

"No."

Naruto threw a card at him; it hit him in the chest. " _Liar_."

Sasuke glared at him, taking another sip of his drink. "Keep drinking, loser."

"Oh, I've hit a nerve, have I? The brother complex rears its ugly head once again!"

Sasuke, glaring at first, used an arm to slide the cards off the bed.

"Hey, what the—"

He then tackled Naruto down onto the bed—Naruto on his back, Sasuke lying with his face in Naruto's pillow, on his stomach, arm thrown across Naruto's chest.

"Shut up. Aren't you drunk enough yet?" Sasuke mumbled into the pillow. "Why's this pillow smell like you, dumbass?"

"Because it's my pillow? Ah, you're chokin' me, bastard!"

"Good."

"Why are you so abusive when you drink?"

"Since when am I abusive?" Sasuke asked, turning his head to face him.

"In New York?"

"Oh. Yeah." Sasuke smirked. "You liked it."

"No. I thought you were a jerk. Not that you could even remember most of it."

"What are you talking about? I took care of you, and then when you were dumb enough to get your drink roofied, I dragged your ass back to the apartment."

"Yeah, but then you went to that club and got your ass beaten, and _I_ took care of _you_!"

"You should be grateful. Normally guys would be lined up to see me naked and in a bathtub."

"Sorry, Sasuke. There was _nada_ attractive about you with all those bruises and shit. It was awful. One of the worst things I've ever seen. I really would've kicked that guy's ass if you woulda told me his name. Dude's lucky there was a fuckin' blizzard happening."

"I'm surprised," said Sasuke.

"Surprised?" Naruto tried to move the other man's arm away, but Sasuke kept it there.

"No."

"Seriously. What do you mean by that."

Sasuke groaned, turning his face back into the pillow. "I'd figure you'd like the idea of someone beating the shit out of me."

"...Why would you say that?" He tried to get up again, but Sasuke held him down still.

"I said don't move."

"You're not makin' sense." He grabbed Sasuke's arm and made a real attempt at removing it. Naruto sat up on his elbow, staring at the back of Sasuke's head. "Yo. Explain."

"Don't want to."

Naruto pulled at his hair. "Sasuke Uchiha."

"Uzumaki Naruto," Sasuke replied into the pillow.

"You're being childish." Naruto thwacked him on the shoulder and, shifting over, sat on the man's lower back. "Do you really think I'd want someone to physically hurt you just 'cause you and I had a couple falling outs?"

"Maybe."

"Man, you're dark. That's fucked up." He started kneading Sasuke's back, digging his knuckles along both sides of his spine. "That's really harsh. I've _never_ wished for anything bad to happen to you. _Never_. Like, yeah you hurt my feelings. Yeah, there were times I didn't think it was good for either of us to talk. Times I didn't think we'd be friends again. But—" He leaned forward, on his hands and knees, so that he could speak close to Sasuke's ear. "I'd _never_ want anyone to hurt you or beat on you. That's why I said I'd _fuck_ that dude up. Regardless of what you think I felt or thought about you, you were _always_ family to me, and even if we were estranged family at the time, I would've gone after anyone who so much as touched you with the intent to harm."

He thought he heard Sasuke snort.

"What's so funny?" Naruto asked, growing annoyed. "Why do I always have to feed your damn ego anyway?"

He pushed down on Sasuke's shoulders once and then rolled off, onto his back. When he turned his head, Sasuke was looking at him again.

"Feel better?" Sasuke asked.

"About what?"

"Whatever." Sasuke got up slowly, sliding to the edge of the bed, back to Naruto. "I think I'll make another drink. You want one?"

"Why are you bein' an ass?"

"Do you want one or not?"

"I… guess." He watched Sasuke get up and walk out of the room.

There was a lot more noise than necessary coming from the kitchen, but Naruto didn't want to cater to his tantrum. He didn't even know why Sasuke was suddenly acting this way. They were getting along so well earlier, and Naruto allowed for some growing pains in this new relationship, but… _Jesus_. When Sasuke returned, he had two glasses in hand. He paused at the foot of the bed, but Naruto had his eyes on the TV, watching the movie.

"I'm sorry."

Naruto glanced at him. "I don't want apologies. I just want an explanation. Is it 'cause I brought up your parents earlier?"

Sasuke's expression darkened—but only briefly—and then he came around the side of the bed. He set his glass down on a side table and handed Naruto the other.

"Maybe. But, not because doing that is wrong. I just—" Sasuke sat down on the bed. "Sometimes I can handle it, sometimes I can't. I'm not like you, where it's so easy for you to talk about your mom. I know that you knew them, were very close to my mother, but I—"

Sasuke's eyes turned glossy as his hand hovered in front of his mouth.

"Sasuke, it's okay," Naruto said, holding up a hand and feeling very guilty. "You asked me what I was thinkin' about, and I took our honesty policy too far. I should've just shut up."

"No," Sasuke replied immediately. "Don't do that. Don't put up any kind of wall. That only makes me feel like—" He shook his head. "I… I don't know what I need. In general… or from you. I don't… I don't know what will make this better. I'm trying. Honestly, I am. I don't want to be the person I was after high school, who I was turning into in New York. I thought if I came here—"

"Sasuke," Naruto breathed, sitting up on the bed.

" _Don't_ ," Sasuke snapped. "Don't feel sorry for me. Don't look at me that way. Not you."

"I don't feel sorry for you," he replied. "It's empathy. I won't say I know just how you feel. I don't. I lost my mom to cancer, yeah, but you lost two parents in a very tragic way."

"And is that why you let me back in?" Sasuke asked, voice oddly childlike. "Because it's the _right_ thing to do?"

"What would be wrong about that?"

Sasuke stared at him.

"It _is_ right," Naruto explained. "To give you another chance when you wanted to change. I'm not sayin' I'm without my flaws in how I handled stuff or in my own personal life, but doing the right thing is—it's just the right thing to do. And that's completely separate from who you are to me, Sasuke."

"Who am I?" Sasuke asked meekly. "To you?"

"An important person," Naruto replied. "No one will ever fill the role of who you are to me in my life. I didn't throw away all the memories of you from high school. I didn't—" He scrubbed his hands through his hair, frustrated with his inability to articulate this feeling. "I didn't see you as someone else, even when I thought you'd changed in some ways. I didn't regret knowing you. Like I said, I always considered you to be like family. You came into my life at an important time, and you saved me, Sasuke. You were the first friend I made in Seattle, the first friend I made after my mom died. You… I was… you know I was in love with you then, and I was for a while after, but I couldn't stay in love with you forever, just waitin' on you to come around. It wasn't healthy for me. It wasn't what you said you wanted either, and what you did and said after our graduation, I—" He searched Sasuke's face before continuing, "I _knew_ that… it was the right thing to do. To go to college in Illinois. We were too intertangled in each other's lives."

"...I know," Sasuke replied after a second. "I know. I know, looking back, I know. I remember how I felt. I felt entitled to you. I told you not to wait, but when I came out, I just felt—free. I got caught up in the moment, the thrill of being out finally… sticking it to my father."

"You don't owe me any explanation," Naruto clarified. "You had gone through a lot already."

"I do want to ask you something." Sasuke, turning on the bed, sat with his legs crossed underneath him, a very serious expression on his face.

"Okay. Do you mind?" He handed Sasuke his glass, and Sasuke set it next to his own on the table. "Shoot."

"Were you jealous?"

"Jealous?" Naruto repeated. "Of what?"

Sasuke tilted his head, bangs shifting ever so slightly across his left eye. "Juugo."

At hearing that name, Naruto felt like something had pierced his heart. He took a moment to fully explore this feeling, even after five years. Had he been jealous at the time? In any way?

"I…" He closed his eyes, searching his heart.

It wasn't jealousy that had made him angry at the time, but had he been jealous… just a little?

"I'm not sure," he answered, cracking open his eyes. "Why is it important? It was five years ago."

"It's something I've always wondered. Not for my ego as you put it," Sasuke smoothed his hair behind an ear. "But, to know how you felt. I've always been curious."

"You want to know if I was jealous that the man you topped for the first time was a guy you barely knew and not me?"

"I wouldn't have phrased it exactly like that, but yes… how did you feel?"

"When you told me?" Naruto let his mind travel back to that night, when Sasuke had been staying at his house, partying and coming in late every night, hanging with a crowd that liked to do hard drugs and didn't seem an especially great influence on Sasuke. "I remember bein' pissed. I'd been pissed at you because of how you seemed to become all… irresponsible, stayin' out and partying, hanging with Yagura's friends, those people sucked, Sasuke."

"They didn't judge me," Sasuke replied, sounding minutely defensive. "They didn't want anything from me either. They never looked down on me."

"And I did?"

"Yes. That summer, you did. When you should've been proud of me for coming out!"

"Oh, right. Like I wasn't proud of you for comin' out? What the hell? I was the one who threw you a fuckin' party, man. Dad and I let you stay at the apartment for as long as you needed. It was _you_ who was ungrateful! But you always were. You never appreciated me, until you finally came out, and then you expected me to crawl back to you, even though you were the one who rejected me after I told you how I felt that time!"

"See, so you are still bitter about that," Sasuke said snidely.

"Why can't I be a little bitter?" Naruto asked, knowing full way this stuff would not have come out of his mouth without having had alcohol beforehand, but they'd had a near similar fight when they'd been in New York together, too.

"Like you said, it was years ago. We knew I wasn't ready to come out, and you didn't want to have to lie about it. It was a win-win," Sasuke replied.

"A win-win, is that what you think it was?" Naruto asked.

"It was all we could do."

"I know that," he said angrily. "You're not tellin' me anything I don't already know. I moved on as best as I could. I respected how you felt. I dated girls. I stuck with my plan of going to Illinois, somethin' you resented despite me havin' said that was my plan from when we first met."

"Yes, but I thought you'd change your mind if—" Sasuke's voice had rose, but he stopped, realizing what he was about to say apparently.

"If you came out before I moved?" Naruto finished for him after grabbing a pillow and clutching it to his lap. "That's why I was angry. Not jealous. How could you… how could you ask me to stay after fuckin' some guy? You were so proud, and expected me to be so happy for you that you topped a guy? Yeah, that's fuckin' great and all, but how can you, what, like a day later, then ask me to consider stayin' and goin' to school in Seattle when you knew I'd already made plans to go? It was selfish, Sasuke. You'd had plenty of selfish moments while we knew each other, and I put up with all of them because I cared about you, because it was the _right thing to do_!" His heart was thumping in his chest, body shaking. "You took advantage of that. Of _me_."

Wow, he'd really said all that. Things he'd been holding in for years, but had gone over in his head many times only to bury them because he knew he'd never get answers. Because Sasuke had changed, had run away, didn't want to have any contact with him, because he'd lost important people and was hurt, because he didn't want Naruto to feel sorry for him or chase him, and Naruto had thought, too… that Sasuke was done with him. That week of the funeral, the things that had come out of Sasuke's mouth were so hurtful it would easy to recall the pain. Yet, Naruto had known it was coming from a place of grief, anger, sadness, shock. He'd tried not to take it personally. After all, Itachi had also received the brunt of Sasuke's rage.

Maybe he should've tried harder at the time. He should've chased Sasuke harder. Should he have tried to keep him from going to New York? No. That didn't feel right. He didn't regret anything except maybe not being more honest with himself about his own feelings.

"Feel better?" Sasuke asked, eyes glazed and distant.

"Not really."

"At least the truth comes out. Not that I didn't already know."

"I wasn't intentionally hiding any of that from you," he said.

"You always did have a hard time being honest with yourself." Sasuke, even though he still had that look on his face, snatched up the pillow and abruptly hit Naruto in the face with it.

Naruto squawked (since it actually fucking hurt). "What the hell, man?"

"Self-righteous little bitch," Sasuke shouted, grabbing for the pillow again.

Naruto snatched it out of his reach. "Stuck up, pretentious, manipulative little _whore_!"

He beat Sasuke with the pillow until he was sitting on top of the other man's stomach, slapping him in the face.

"Why'd you have to sleep with all of New York City to prove how okay you are when you clearly weren't okay, huh?"

Naruto beat him with the pillow a few more times until Sasuke got a hold of it and threw it onto the floor. Before he could say anything more, Sasuke wrapped both arms tightly around Naruto's waist, dragged him down on top of his body, and held him close. He felt Sasuke's nose pressed to the side of his neck, and, very quietly, Sasuke began to sob. It took only seconds before Naruto felt the tears rolling down his cheeks, too. He buried his face in Sasuke's hair and cried, feeling Sasuke's fingers digging into his back, clutching at his sweatshirt. This thing, that both of them had been holding onto for far too long, unleashed itself like a torrent. If he hadn't had Sasuke there, underneath him, he would've floated away—out into the universe, weightless and deprived of oxygen, never to return again. Feelings he hadn't felt in so long came flooding through his body and it was both comforting and terrifying. He remembered that feeling from when he was 16 and they'd been best friends and lovers. How often he'd ached to have Sasuke nearby, how close they'd been, how familiar, how having Sasuke around was as normal as having air to breathe, but more. That _craving_ for Sasuke.

It terrified him, that all-consuming passion and love, when he knew Sasuke could be self-destructive, could sabotage, but it was Sasuke. _His_ Sasuke.

"Sasuke," he breathed, unable to recognize his own voice.

Sasuke clutched him all the harder, but didn't reply.

Naruto gave him a squeeze around the shoulders. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"I would've only hurt you, pushed you away. I would've tried to destroy you, pick fights."

"I could've endured it," he pleaded.

"You shouldn't have to."

"But—"

"This is how it had to be, Naruto."

"It doesn't seem fair." He tried to wiggle up, but Sasuke pulled him back down. "Ah, too tight. Can't breathe."

"Deal with it." Sasuke squeezed him even tighter. "You have no idea how dark it was. How dark my life was without you in it. You and your stupid light. That light you began sharing with other people, people who didn't deserve it. I don't care what you say, but you deserve so much better than that _woman_ , and I'm not sorry for saying so, and it's not because of jealousy."

"Fine," he wheezed. "I hear you."

"Apologize for dating someone beneath you. Someone who didn't appreciate you. I didn't appreciate you, and you dumped me. Don't you dare defend her any longer."

"Sasuke, you're bein'—"

" _Apologize_."

"Jesus, fine, I'm sorry. Ah, but my _ribs_!"

Sasuke finally let up. "I do… have one thing to confess, though. But… you have to promise not to get angry. Please."

"God, are you going to tell me you fucked a woman at some point?"

"What?! _God_ , no." Sasuke laughed aloud, a dark chuckle. "That's your fear?"

"With you, I never know what the hell to expect. Fuckin' crazy bastard."

"Hn." Sasuke cupped the back of his head, gently massaging it. "Uzumaki."

" _Uchiha_. Spill the beans."

"Alright," Sasuke agreed. "But, I think we might need another drink first. And I have to take a leak since you're on my bladder. Fat ass."

"Fine, but I might have to go in with you."

Sasuke laughed darkly in his ear, and, frowning at being laughed at, Naruto sat right up on top of him and wiggled around on Sasuke's lower stomach.

"I'm gonna make you piss your pants, you _jackass_!"

"You _want_ me to pee on your bed?"

"Wait, no. Dude, gross. Get your ass to the bathroom. I gotta go, too."

"I'll be quick," Sasuke replied, and, very gently, rolled Naruto off. Fondly, he looked down at Naruto, his eyes red from crying. "You look terrible."

Naruto scrunched his nose. "Oh, shut _up_."

"Be right back," Sasuke assured, and Naruto tried to cut off this strange _longing_ he felt even knowing Sasuke was only going across the hall for a few minutes.

Ah, those feelings of abandonment looming right over him like a spectre, breathing down his neck, and kicking his anxiety into high gear.

What _did_ Sasuke have to tell him? Something serious? Something he didn't already know? While he waited, Naruto got up and retrieved his phone from the dresser, answering a text from Kiba that included scolding him about texting him while on a date with Ino.

 _fine. then how's the date w Sasuke goin_

Naruto rolled his eyes. _don't be jealous, keebs. we can have a date later this week too_

… _yay!_

He laughed. _tell ino hi and give her a kiss for me would u_

 _only if u give sasuke a kiss w some tongue for me_

"God," Naruto said aloud. _get a life, dude. Talk to u tomorrow_

He set his phone back on the dresser and, grabbing his and Sasuke's glasses, went to top them off though they'd hardly taken more than a few sips. On his way out of the bedroom, he nearly ran right into Sasuke.

"Watch where you're going," Sasuke said playfully, his voice low.

"I'm the one carryin' our drinks," he replied. "You should be watchin' out for me, ya clumsy bastard."

"Were you talking to yourself earlier?" Sasuke asked. "Finally gone crazy, hm?"

"No. _Jerk_. It was Kiba textin' me and bein' an idiot."

"I thought you said he was on a date with Ino."

"He is."

"Ah hah." Sasuke followed him into the kitchen, watching Naruto as he poured more of their respective liquors into each glass.

Naruto handed Sasuke his rum and coke. "What's that sound supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Sasuke replied, a mischievous gleam shining in his eyes.

"Say it." Naruto leaned against the kitchen counter, sipping his vodka and orange juice.

"Nothing," Sasuke repeated. "Only that I swear he's in love with you. I've known people in poly relationships before, and I swear you're their third."

"It's called bein' good friends, Sasuke. You can be close to people without havin' sex with them."

"I don't need to be close to anyone to have sex with them," Sasuke replied, keeping a straight face.

"Yeah, not sure that's somethin' to be proud of." He raised an eyebrow at him.

"Don't be judgmental."

"Hey, you're the one who called me heteronormative before, but you display typical male characteristics of bangin' everything that shows an interest. Sorry for bein' straight."

"Sorry for being male," Sasuke answered, still keeping that same even expression.

Naruto narrowed his eyes and stuck out his tongue; Sasuke smirked.

"Child," said Sasuke.

"Drink your drink."

"I will. I am."

"So, what's this thing you want to tell me?" Naruto asked. "Or did you forget? You are older than me. Maybe your memory's gettin' bad, old man."

"Yes, 23," Sasuke murmured. "The peak of dementia is upon me."

"Okay. Name all the guys you've slept with—all time."

"I couldn't do that even if I didn't have dementia," Sasuke responded, making Naruto laugh. "Why are you so obsessed with my sex life?"

Naruto cocked his head at Sasuke's sincere curiosity. "Sorry, I—"

"Don't be sorry. I'm only curious. If it truly bothers you."

"No, I… it doesn't really. I guess I connect it with what you were doin' in New York, but even if it was, it's none of my business. I think… maybe deep down, I'm… I worry about you. I was worried about you when I saw you in New York. How much you'd changed. It was—"

He stopped, glanced down at his mismatched socks, and up at Sasuke again.

"Shocking," Naruto finished. "Scary. When I first saw you, when I walked in the apartment with Deidara, and I saw you. I didn't recognize you. I'd heard you weren't in great shape before you moved to New York, but I didn't imagine you'd seem so distant and in pain."

"And I was being a jerk to you."

"Uh, yeah." Naruto raked a hand through his hair. "God, you were such an ass. And then I got stuck sleepin' with Deidara in his bed those first nights. Just awful. Guy couldn't stay still if his life depended on it. I'm pretty sure I was bein' molested every five seconds."

"You should've just enjoyed it," Sasuke replied. "From what I often could tell through the thin walls is that he wasn't entirely bad at it."

"Very funny." Naruto made a face. "We did cuddle a little."

"Oh?" Sasuke's eyebrow went up. "You cuddled with me later, too."

"To keep you warm after you passed out gettin' out of the tub."

"Only then?" Sasuke asked. "Is that how you remember it?"

"It was an emotional week, Sasuke. I remember what happened pretty vividly. Except, well, the night I was drugged in the club. But, the rest of it. I'm aware. I can't explain it all or what it all meant, but it happened. I was there. Then I went home. I thought maybe after what we went through that week that you'd want to rekindle our friendship, but you ghosted me, man."

"I would've only hurt you again. I could tell. And I knew it was your intention to get back with Shion. She still had you wrapped around her finger—"

"—Jesus, Sasuke—"

"—It's true, though. I accepted it. You needed to resolve that situation, and I needed to focus on myself, figure out why I was doing what I was and how to stop. It's why I decided to go to England. I didn't see the point in contacting you until I was feeling less… angry."

"Okay." Naruto shrugged, trying not to get angry. It made sense, after all. "I get all that, but you could've returned my calls or messages is all I'm saying."

Sasuke didn't reply; he sipped at his drink, and Naruto did the same.

It was a few minutes before Naruto spoke again.

"Is that what you had to tell me?"

"No. Now I don't really want to tell you."

"What the fuck?" Naruto nearly spat out his drink. "After all that buildup? Why not?"

"Because we're having a good conversation, and you're going to be angry."

"Is that why you wanted me to drink more?" He asked.

Sasuke nodded. "Basically, so. Bottom's up."

"You're the _bottom_ ," Naruto muttered, downing the rest of his screwdriver.

Sasuke drank, too, eyes narrowed at him. "Not so much."

"Whatever you've got to tell me, why not just say it. Rip it off like a Band-Aid. We'll deal with the aftermath. I'll try to be calm, unless, I guess, if it's somethin' huge—"

"Like what?" Sasuke asked.

"I dunno. You have a kid runnin' around somewhere? But, oh man. Does that make me an uncle?"

Sasuke's look of disgust said everything. "Don't even joke about that, and _how_?"

"I don't know! It was the best example I could think of. Or if you murdered someone."

"Your mind works in mysterious ways," Sasuke replied. "When it works at all."

"Stop stallin'," he said, and, grabbing his empty glass, went to fill it with vodka and OJ again. When he reached inside the fridge for the orange juice, his arm brushed Sasuke's side. He poured it into his glass, slammed the fridge door shut harder than he meant to, and looked Sasuke square in the eye, feeling like they were back to their 16-year-old selves.

"As long as you promise that after I tell you, we talk about if you want to."

"Okay," he said. "Fine. What did you think I'd do? Walk out?"

"It's a possibility."

"Is it about New York?" He asked, resuming his place on the opposite side of the kitchen, this time with his back to the wall.

"No. A year after high school and a year before my parents' deaths."

"Okay." The mention of Mikoto and Fugaku's deaths sobered him up. "Go for it."

"I've never told anyone about this," Sasuke continued. "Besides Itachi."

"And… Itachi's never told me about it?" He asked before he could help it.

Sasuke frowned. "I don't believe so. I asked him not to."

"...Okay." Naruto, one hand holding the glass, crossed his other arm over his stomach. "Go on."

"I, during that time, after we graduated. I was fairly bitter. Father and I—" Sasuke paused, bit his lip, and seemed to close off expression-wise. "We weren't getting along. I was going out fairly frequently, usually with Yagura and his friends. We'd frequent the gay bars together."

"You and Yagura?" Naruto asked, surprised. "Alone?"

Sasuke tilted his head slightly. "Yes…"

"Did you two date?"

"I wouldn't say that," Sasuke answered, and there must've been something in the way Naruto reacted, because then he followed up with, "We never had sex either."

"Not even a handjob?"

" _Naruto_."

"Sorry, sorry." He shrugged out his shoulders. Yagura had always made his skin crawl. The thought of Yagura and Sasuke having sex was just deeply disturbing for reasons he couldn't fully comprehend after several drinks. "Go on. I won't interrupt."

"You and I weren't talking anymore. You'd been ignoring my texts, not that I blame you."

Naruto nodded once, remembering that time and how he'd tried to put distance between them since Sasuke couldn't seem to let go of the fact he'd moved to Illinois. Texts from Sasuke, which were infrequent anyway, were often sent while he was drunk or high, usually asking about Naruto's love life or things Sasuke had apparently seen while stalking his social media.

"Yagura and I were at at a club. I wasn't in a good mood. I was annoying him, and he was annoying me, so I got up to leave. It was late, and there were a lot of tourists. I wanted to avoid running into anyone I knew, so I took the path through the alley behind the club."

Naruto's heart sank, sped up a little at Sasuke's hesitant, serious tone.

Sasuke's eyes were on him. "One of the light posts was out. I was drunk and alone. I heard them coming up behind me. Four of them, as I recall. Maybe five? They'd seen me leave the club, I guess. Shouted the usual, clever homophobic slurs before punching me. I hit them back, kicked, but there were a lot of them. Luckily, some other people had the same idea as I did, and used the alley as a shortcut, so they ran off and left me there. I was hidden by the Dumpster, I suppose, so no one stopped to help me, which was fine—"

" _How_?" He growled through his clenched teeth. " _How_ was that _fine_?"

Sasuke put a hand up. "You said you wouldn't interrupt."

" _Sasuke_ —"

"Let me finish first. It's _fine_ , Naruto. I'm only telling you because we're being honest tonight, and it's something I've kept from you. Not intentionally, but we weren't talking, and I didn't want you to get angry about it, or dwell on it, or have it be a reason you'd contact me—out of guilt."

Naruto had a very difficult time controlling his temper, unable to stop picturing a group of psychopaths beating Sasuke up in a fucking alleyway like a bunch of cowards. If he'd been there, if he'd known, Naruto would've ripped them apart limb by limb. And, Sasuke, too. Hiding this from him all this time? Itachi, too? He was pissed. And disgusted. He had to set his drink on the counter or else he was going to drop it or throw it across the room.

"Eventually, I got up and went to the bus stop. The driver was the only one to ask if I was okay, but I sat down in the back. Unfortunately, I ended up vomiting, so the driver drove me to the hospital near campus. Itachi had flown in that night and met me there. That's it."

Naruto blinked at him, arms stiffly crossed to his chest. He didn't know what to say. Until something dawned on him.

"...When was this, did you say?" He asked.

"Maybe beginning of our sophomore years."

"Sophomore… fall…" Something felt off for him. "...You didn't want me to know?"

"I told Itachi not to tell you, yes. I can't explain it. We weren't speaking anyway."

"Did you… text me?" Naruto asked. "I swear… I remember… there was a morning I woke up and I had a text from you. It was your usual text when you drank or got high and just—"

"Do you want me to answer that?" Sasuke asked.

"Uh, yeah. You're the one talkin' about honesty. Jesus, Sasuke. How could you never mention this? Why go out of your way to have Itachi keep it from me, too?"

"Why are you getting mad at me? That had nothing to do with you, Naruto. We weren't speaking, and that's fine. I had no one else to turn to. I was alone. I was a victim of a hate crime. It wasn't about you. I had my own feelings to deal with. I wasn't in a great state of mind when I texted you in the first place. You didn't answer. I didn't expect you to. Why I did it at all, I can't say now. Maybe I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want to feel weak, feel like a victim. It was my own experience and mine to tell whomever I wanted about it. I'm telling you now. Because I want to clear the slate with us and move forward."

That hit Naruto like a ton of bricks, and of course he felt guilty.

"I'm sorry," he said, taking a few steps forward without realizing it even. "I'm sorry that happened to you at all, and I am sorry I wasn't there for you."

"You texted me back," Sasuke replied. "Don't feel sorry. It was more than I deserved. But, by then, I already regretted texting you anything at all. I ignored you. The same as I did after you left New York. It's just what I do, but I'm _trying_ to change. I have changed. I want you to—"

Sasuke drew in a deep breath, setting his own drink down on the counter.

"I want you to believe in me again," Sasuke continued. "Like you used to when we were teenagers. But, I want to be able to believe in me, too. I can't act childish and run from my mistakes, from people in general. I can't and don't want to be that person anymore. You made me realize that in New York. I'm different now. I'm not the person I was—"

"—Sasuke," he breathed, closing the distance between them and grabbing onto his arms. "I know you're not. I know you're trying to change. I already know what you're tryin' to do. I respect that, I respect you. I want us to be friends again. I want to support you. We have a lot of history, yeah, but, like I said, you've always been like family. Some things you don't have to apologize for because you've been through so much in the last five or six years. It's enough that anyone would lose it, and knowin' what happened in that alley, I don't blame you for bein' angry, for feeling so hurt, for feelin' like you were alone, for bein' bitter or resentful, and to see how far you've come since we saw each other in New York… Sasuke," he clutched Sasuke's arms tighter, drew him closer, "I am so fuckin' proud of you. Your parents would be proud of you. We don't have to—I don't _want_ to—keep lookin' back at the past. You deserve to move forward and become whoever you want to from now on; and I'll absolutely support you in this every step of the way. Yeah, maybe we need to keep working on our friendship, but I want that. I love havin' you back here. Sometimes I feel like we're teenagers all over again, but—"

Naruto drew him into a hug, squeezing so hard that he probably could've broken a couple of Sasuke's ribs.

"I can't believe that you went through that shit on your own, and, yeah, I'm pissed as fuck, because I want to destroy them, and I hope they're dead in a ditch somewhere, or you at least broke some arms and legs when you were fightin' back. _Fuck_. You bastard, textin' me and not sayin' anything. You asshole!"

Sasuke squeezed him back, letting Naruto push him into the refrigerator door. They were so tightly pressed together, there couldn't have been even a centimeter between them. Naruto wanted to absorb him, protect him, even from himself. He wanted to go back in time, change everything. He didn't want Sasuke to experience the pain he had, of losing a parent. Losing two parents. Of being alone. There was nothing he could do now, though, no matter how hard he wished it. He cradled Sasuke's head in his hands, breathing next to his ear. His heart was beating so hard in his chest that it felt like it might jump out through his ribcage.

Naruto took hold of Sasuke's face, cupping both cheeks and using his thumb to dry a tear. He searched Sasuke, hoping his eyes were conveying what his words couldn't. Sasuke's hands had slid to his waist, gripping Naruto and keeping him solidly in place, in front of him.

"Keep anything like that from me again, and I'll lock you in my apartment and never let you out again, not where anyone can hurt you. I won't have it," Naruto said.

"That almost sounds like the plot of _Misery_ ," Sasuke answered, another tear streaking down his cheek.

Naruto wiped it away with his sleeve. "I'm not kiddin'."

"I know you aren't." Sasuke smirked.

"Why are you smirkin', asshole?" Naruto scowled at him.

"I thought you were going to kiss me for a second."

"Ha!" Naruto pulled at his hair. "You _wish_ , you bastard. God, I want to beat you, but that's probably not the best way to react to someone tellin' you they were gaybashed in an alley."

"No…" Sasuke pressed his hand firmly to Naruto's stomach. "Probably not." He pushed Naruto back a step, but Naruto remained within his personal bubble.

He couldn't decide if he wanted to break something or throw Sasuke under his covers and hide him beneath the blankets. Anywhere that he could keep him safe.

"Don't feel sorry for me," Sasuke said.

"...I won't."

"Hmm."

"I won't, I promise. I don't feel sorry for you. I only feel… angry."

"I can tell," Sasuke replied. "It's why I didn't know if I could tell you, but… I knew I should."

"No, I…" He inhaled deeply. "I appreciate it. Thanks for tellin' me. Thanks for sharing, for bein' honest. I am sorry, though. That it happened. It's not fair. You didn't deserve it. It's disgusting."

Sasuke gave a quick nod. "...Thanks for listening. Sorry I kept it from you."

He shook his head. "It was your story to tell."

"Did I ruin the mood then?"

"No… no that's not what this is. No."

"So, I know I said don't feel sorry for me, but I am open to pity sex."

Naruto smacked his shoulder. "Asshole."

"Hn."

"God. I'm too wound up for sex anyway."

"But you _are_ considering it?"

"Tch. Maybe when I recover from this. I think I had two heart attacks during this conversation."

"Probably because you're so fat and out of shape," Sasuke replied.

Naruto looked at him, and then hugged him. "Let's do better from now on, okay? No secrets between us. Whatever happens, we always talk it through, even if we're mad."

"Okay," Sasuke agreed, pressing the palms of his hands into Naruto's shoulder blades.

"Just to let you know, I'm gonna cuddle you tonight."

"I don't know about that." Sasuke rubbed at his back.

"Also, I'm gonna send a very angry text to Itachi."

"Oh, yes, it must be so difficult knowing your wife kept something from you."

Naruto snorted. "M'gonna tell him you admitted he'd be the wife in that scenario."

"Maybe you'd both be wives," Sasuke replied and, taking hold of Naruto's shoulders, pressed their foreheads together. "Can I confess one more thing, and we never speak of it again?"

Naruto swallowed, uncertain if he could take any more horrible confessions about the past.

"...Yeah. ...Totally. What's up?"

Sasuke took some time, appearing to have his eyes closed while Naruto's gaze was on the other man's lips, waiting with bated breath for him to say whatever he had to say.

"... I…" Sasuke started. "You're too close, idiot!"

"What?" Naruto squawked. "You're the one who drew me in like this and made our foreheads touch! What the heck!?"

"Why are you yelling at me? I'm fragile right now."

"Fragile, my ass," Naruto muttered.

"I could make your ass fragile if you give me a chance."

"Fuck you, Sasuke. Stop tryin' to get into my pants and say the thing, so we can carry on with the cuddling in my bed. Made me miss all of the damn movie."

"We've watched it before," Sasuke commented.

With a sigh of frustration, Naruto moved his hand to Sasuke's cheek, cupping it and separating their bodies a little. He looked Sasuke in the eye.

"Say it, Sasuke."

Sasuke's eyes moved left to right, searching him. "I missed you."

Naruto's heart, now no more than a giant piece of Jell-o, wiggled and fluttered inside his chest. Almost immediately did tears spring to his eyes, and he bit his quivering lip. Sasuke's tone—he meant it, and Naruto understood because, despite the ups and downs of their relationship over the years, there had always been this hole inside of him ever since they split up after high school. Sometimes he'd acknowledged it, sometimes he'd tried to bury it. There was even a time he accepted that they may never be friends again; yet, years later, here they were. So much had changed in their own lives, respectively, but Sasuke was back again. The Sasuke he remembered when first arriving in Seattle, but different. More mature, weathered, humble. Naruto knew he was different from that 16-year-old version of himself, too. As a teen, he'd been angry and cynical about love and romance. Since then, he'd managed to mellow out and experience what a committed relationship could offer, even if it eventually fell apart.

"I…," Naruto leaned in—their chests touching—and lightly pressed his lips to Sasuke's left cheek. "I missed you, too. Let's, uh. Finish our drinks and get ready for bed. Maybe just chill out and find another movie. Or, keep talkin' if you want to. I missed this, though. You and me. When we talk it always feels like you get exactly what I'm sayin'."

"We're on the same page?" Sasuke added, holding onto Naruto by the waist.

"I think so. In terms of our friendship, yeah."

"Interesting wording."

"I know."

"I'll grab something of yours to wear," said Sasuke, "And take a shower."

"Mm." Naruto nodded. "Okay. Don't slip in there and brain yourself. Like you did at Rin's party that time."

"I didn't slip," Sasuke argued. "I passed out."

"Still embarrassing for you."

"Some of the best musicians have done it."

Naruto barked out a laugh, but then he remembered that Sasuke didn't like to play anymore.

"Yeah," he said a bit sadly.

"What's up?" Sasuke asked, noticing.

"Nothing. I mean, not 'nothing', but just not anything worth talkin' about right now. If that's okay."

"There should be plenty of time." Sasuke gave him a push that sent him back a few steps. "Good talk, Uzumaki. We're like a couple of girls over here."

"Sexist," Naruto retorted. "Okay. Go take a shower. But if you're not out in 15 minutes, I'm comin' in to check on you."

"I'll be sure to lock the door."

"Don't you dare." Naruto, looking at him fondly, grabbed Sasuke's sleeve and gave it a tug. "Really glad you're back. I mean, well, here. I'm glad you're here, Sasuke."

"Sentimental," Sasuke teased and poked Naruto in the center of his forehead. "Thank you for… letting me back in…" He held a hand to Naruto's chest. "Here?"

"Heh. Don't get cute on me, or I really might let you into my pants."

"Ah, for that, I would definitely learn to be _cute_ , as you put it."

"Even if I were to let you into my pants—which isn't gonna happen—"

"—So you say anyway—"

"—As I was sayin'. I don't want you to be cute. I don't want you to be anything other than you."

"Do I even know who I am?" Sasuke asked, raising his eyes to Naruto, searching him again.

Naruto wanted to wrap him up like a burrito and comfort him until the next new year. Instead, he attempted to play it cool and simply grinned.

"You're Sasuke Uchiha. You've always been who you are or who you were supposed to be, and now we're just growing up. We're adults. It's weird to think about. You were always so mature, though. But, you never cease to surprise me. I admire you, too. You're strong. Very strong to have come this far, and strong enough to realize when you needed help and change. That's… really, really admirable, Sasuke. I really hope we can keep changin' and growin' together."

Sasuke's cheeks tinted red and he looked away. "Good God, where do you come up with all these gay speeches?"

"Heehee. I have a little book I read sometimes when I'm on the toilet."

Sasuke gave him another push. "I'll see you in a few. Don't miss me too much."

"I'll try."

Naruto, smiling, watched Sasuke disappear into the bedroom and then come out with a small pile of pajamas to wear to bed. Although he went out of sight for a moment, Sasuke ended up coming back into the doorway of the kitchen. He stared at Naruto.

"What? Do you want me to join you and wash your back for you?" Naruto asked.

"Is that really an option?"

"Fucking Christ, Sasuke. Make sure you jerk off in there if you're that horny."

The other man smirked. "Can I at least think of you?"

Naruto scratched the back of his head. "If you must. This one time. Just clean up your mess afterward. I don't wanna scrape up your cum from off my shower tiles, mmkay?"

"Fair enough." Sasuke shrugged, disappearing again.

Naruto stood there smiling like an idiot, and, on impulse, rubbed at his chest as if it was itching from the inside. What was this strange feeling? It felt… a little dangerous in a way. He trusted Sasuke. He recognized they had both changed. He believed Sasuke to be sincere. Naruto couldn't explain why it was always so easy to be drawn to that man. Though he only saw Sasuke as a friend, there was this niggling feeling in the back of his mind. He should remain careful to keep a slight barrier up, just in case. The thing about the alley really bothered him. All of his protective instincts were still stirring below the surface, and it was difficult to keep his temper in check. But, for now, he did want to reassure and be of comfort to Sasuke. After all, he knew it took a lot for Sasuke to open up and tell him those things.

The Sasuke he remembered from high school had often been closed off, afraid to admit his feelings, and that had sometimes caused a rift between them. This, if he was objective, was what he would've wanted back then. Now that Sasuke was capable—

No. That was a rabbit hole he didn't want to go down. They still had some work to do regarding their friendship, and that was the most important thing to him right now.

Sighing, Naruto dumped their drinks into the sink, no longer in the mood for alcohol. He finished cleaning up the kitchen and putting the liquor away before returning to the bedroom. As he was picking out his own pajamas, Sasuke walked out of the bathroom, dressed in Naruto's clothes, and towel drying his hair. Again, Naruto's heart did a double beat kind of thing. And, unlike earlier in the night, this sort of deja vu thing he kept having felt… good. Not weird or scary.

He couldn't stop smiling. At least until Sasuke threw a towel at his face. It slumped off onto the floor before he could catch it with his hand.

"Hey, what the hell was that for?!"

"You were smiling like an idiot," said Sasuke. "It was creeping me out. I thought maybe you were having a stroke."

"So you threw a towel at me?"

"It worked, didn't it? You snapped out of it."

"God, you're such a—" He shook his head. "I'm takin' a shower." Naruto picked up his clothes and, as he reached Sasuke's side, stopped to glare at him. "Beh."

"Very mature. By the way, I left you a present in the bathroom."

"Oh gross, man. I told you to clean up after yourself!" He knocked into Sasuke's shoulder on the way out, and Sasuke gave a grunt but no retaliatory punch.

Naruto, upon turning on the bathroom light, dropped his clothes on the counter. As he went to shut the door, he noticed the message written in the steam on the mirror.

 _Naruto's gay_

"Heh." Naruto began to write a message of his own. "And I'm the immature one?"

Underneath Sasuke's message, he added the words:

 _For Sasuke_

* * *

 **The End.**

 **Please review.**


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